Being Quiet in a Loud World

After a long battle against my final year of university, fighting off my dissertation and finals, I have finally found a spare moment to start blogging again (in the midst of job hunting and planning an adventure in India). Something that has struck my recently is the somewhat apparent differences between my quiet and loud friends and I slowly began to question: where do I fit in to this spectrum?

I have recently started an internship in the tech world and I’ve got to say I realised that the introvert in me has been struggling!

Just to set the scene, there is  a lot of socialising whilst the work is taking place and I’m one for getting the work done. The mix of work and speaking is pleasant but it’s often hard to find the balance when the people around you find it so easy to talk but you’re panicking about what needs to be done! I don’t know if it’s just me but I like to know that everything is in order, what needs to be done and most importantly when. And socialising comes second to it. Call me boring if you will, but if a job needs to be done, it needs to be done. However I diverge.

More often than not these days, offices are open plan and everyone is everywhere. It’s hard to find some space to sit and gather your thoughts without someone looking over your shoulder to see what you’re doing. And I know it’s not only me that feels this way, and I finally feel that it’s okay to admit that I’m sometimes on the quieter side of life.

After reading Susan Cain’s ‘Quiet’, I thought I was reassured by the thought of being an introvert. However, I slowly began to confuse myself, am I really an introvert or have I just read that I am? Do I really find it that difficult in social situations or am I convincing myself that I do? I just don’t know anymore! It’s easy to see yourself on every page, but when you sit back and self -assess (and it’s always important to do so) whether it really applies to you.

So walking into a buzzing office with friendly faces was a bit of a shock to the system. It often takes me a while to warm up to new people, I like listening to what others have to say and I like asking questions rather than answering them and I don’t think that’s a crime. In fact, statistics show that people that think this way make the best leaders (or so Quiet says). So why did I feel so out of place?

I think it was the pressure of people expecting you to talk to them. But why should one person have to change for the sake of another? I like talking to people, I really do, I just like to know what I’m talking about before diving in the deep end. And I think it is the employers job to realise these different qualities in people, and sadly I don’t think that they do. More often than not, it is the loud extroverted person that shines in interviews because they’re in their comfort zone, but that doesn’t make them any more qualified for a job than the introvert. It’s just the introvert performs better in the one to one interview than the extrovert, spends more time planning and thinking rather than stating what comes straight into their mind. And yes, this is an over simplification and an exaggeration, the two personality traits aren’t on a dichotomy but the point is clear, there is a difference.  But the employer needs to see the qualities in both of these people, and not always jump on the extroverted band wagon.

I think what bugs me the most is that extroverted people often take the credit for ideas that weren’t their own. In my case, this is definitely true. Just because I don’t voice my idea loudly but say it to one person and implement it, does not mean that the loudest person on the team can, nor should they, take the credit. Indeed, there is not clear way to resolve this other than putting on a false bravado, that or being filmed! The latter being the least socialist idea, I will strive to be louder, but it will be hard and it’s not who I always am. Don’t get me wrong put me with a group of people talking about something that I’m passionate about and I will get my point across, but put me with people that are speaking a foreign lingo of celebrities and gossip and sit quietly and listen.

So why have I decided to write about this? I think it’s important for people to realise that being loud isn’t the only way to be successful. You can be a quiet thinker and your potential will shine through. Despite what Cain says in ‘Quiet’, I don’t always think it’s necessary for you to train yourself to be an extrovert. Yes, social anxiety is a problem but being quiet can sometimes mean being the loudest in room.